(with apologies to Sir William)
CHORUS: Tripping hither, tripping thither!
ELIA: We are dainty
LEILA: Lovers' sighs, eyes, tears, fears, darts, hearts.
CELIA: Our Queen
FLETA: Oh, give her back!
QUEEN: It shall be as you wish! Iolanthe! Thou
art summoned! Thou art pardoned!
QUEEN: I didn't know you had a son.
IOLANTHE: He's inclined to be stout.
He's an Arcadian shepherd. He loves Phyllis. His legs are mortal. Here
STREPHON: Good morrow! I'm to be married today! Who are these?
Rejoice! Pardoned! My sisters.
STREPHON: My aunts! My bride knows nothing
of my fairyhood. Curse Of my existence! Keyhole, invisible, gibbering idiot.
QUEEN: I see. Parliament? Peculiar legs.
FAIRIES: Call us, and we'll come
PHYLLIS: We're to be married. I tremble! Penal servitude.
in the glass! Lord Chancellor! House of Lords. Delays are dangerous.
and PHYLLIS: None shall part us!
LORD CHANCELLOR: I embody the Law. I am singularly
attracted. I was a stout man. “Sye no more. Sye no more.” I
should award her to myself. I waive my claim. [pause] I thank your Lordships.
own consent? Marry without consent? Commit himself for contempt? Appear
before himself? Woolsack!
LORD MOUNTARARAT: Succeeded in inducing.
PHYLLIS: I am here!
PEERS: Rapture, beautiful, gentle, dutiful!
TOLLOLLER: Birth and position.
Grammar and spelling. Blood and behaviour!
Party. Party. Party!
PHYLLIS: I refuse. My heart is given!
STREPH. 'Tis I.
MOUNTARARAT and TOLLOLLER: We stagger.
PEERS. Let's depart. Bwa-ha-ha. Tantara.
LORD CH. What excuse?
STREPH. The bees the breeze the seas the rooks the brooks the gales
the vales the fountains--the mountains. Bright barbed dart, lurid light,
sad and sodden sympathy!
LORD CH. Distinctly. I went to the Bar.
STREPH. Oh, Phyllis, Phyllis! To
be taken from you just as I was on the point of making you my own! Oh,
it's too much it's too much!
(to STREPHON, who is in tears). My son in tears and on his wedding day!
My wedding day! The Lord Chancellor!
IOL. If he did but know!
No power over you. Half a fairy. Defy him. Take heart. Special protection.
STREPH. On thee I'll call!
IOL. If thou needst an Ark!
LORD TOLL. St James's Park!
PHYL. We part.
STREPH. This lady's my mother!
LORD MOUNT. Stylish Italian phrase!
LORD CH. Another styish Italian phrase!
PEERS. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
STREPH. She moistenèd my clay!
LORD MOUNT. Pipe our eye.
PHYL. Achy, quaky, breaky heart! I don't care
PEERS Which? Whom? Whose? What?
STREPH. Mighty protectress!
FAIRIES You've summoned us.
PEERS Strephon is a rogue!
FAIRIES. Strephon's not a rogue!
LORD CH. Fondled!
ALL. Bit of folly! Melancholy! Injurious, curious, spurious.
LORD CH. Go away!
QUEEN. Bearded! I will launch!
LORD CH. I'm in a quandary!
CELIA Wrath tremendous!
LEILA. Doom appalling!
QUEEN. Into Parliament you shall go!
ALL. Into Parliament he shall
QUEEN. Every bill shall be passed! You shall sit, he shall end, he shall
prick, titles shall ennoble, peers shall teem. Competitive Examination!
Painful wrench. More stylish foreign phrases!
PEERS and FAIRIES. Defy!
PRIVATE WILLIS. A little Liberal. A little Conservative!
Strephon's a Member of Parliament!
LORD MOUNTARARAT. Britain
really ruled the waves
LEILA. Charming persons, are they not?
CELIA. For self-contained dignity, airy condescension!
FAIRIES. Don't go!
PEERS. We'll go!
QUEEN. Oh shame! Oh, foolish fay. Oh, amorous dove! Oh,
PHYL. I'm engaged to two noblemen at once.
LORD TOLL. We must fight, one
LORD MOUNT. Thomas!
LORD TOLL. George.
LORD MOUNT. You lead the House of Lords! I shall take your place!
PHYL. It's really not worth while.
MOUNTARARAT, TOLLOLLER, PHYLLIS, and
PRIVATE WILLIS. Friendship's name!
LORD CHANCELLOR. Love, unrequited! My song is over!
LORD MOUNT. Judgements
in F sharp minor, given al dente.
LORD CH. Two capacities!
LORD TOLL. No capacities!
CHANCELLOR, MOUNTARARAT, and TOLLOLLER. Faint heart never won fair lady!
PHYL. I'd rather have half a mortal I love!
STREPH. We'll get married.
PHYL. Your mother kisses just like other people!
IOL. The Lord Chancellor is my husband and your father!
LORD CH. Victory!
IOLANTHE A suppliant at your feet I kneel.
LORD CH. Phyllis is my promised bride.
IOL. I plead in vain!
IOL. I am thy wife.
LORD CH. Thou livest?
QUEEN. Thou shalt die!
LEILA. So must we all
QUEEN. I can't slaughter the whole company!
LORD CH. Insert a single word.
QUEEN. We go to Fairyland.