2003: The Gondoliers, in about two minutes, with apologies to Sir William.

=== ACT I ===

Women: List and learn.
Fia: They are only two.
Giorgio: What of us?
Vit: We ignore you.
Ant: Merriest fellows are we.
All: Tra la.
Fia: They come. Aclaim them!
Women: Hail!
M&G: Buon giorno
W: Cavalieri.
M: Gondolieri.
Marco: Brides.
Giuseppe: Fate.
Choruses: Three horses.
Giuseppe: Tessa!
Marco: Gianetta!
Chorus: Tra la la. Bow to fate's decree
Duke: We have arrived. Ninety-five quarterings.
Cas: Patience, presumption, persons, position. Whipped.
Duke: No band.
Luiz: They know his grace.
Duke: Seek.
Cas: Desire.
Duchess: Demand.
Duke: You were married.
Cas: Unpardonable.
Duchess: Your majesty.
Cas., Luiz: Rapture.
Cas: I was wed.
Luiz: The son of the King of Barataria? The child who was stolen in infancy by the Inquisition? My mother was nurse. Gilbertian plot twist. There was a time.
Cas: Requiem.
Duke: Allow me to present.
Don: Jimp. Temper.
Duchess: His Majesty's whereabouts?
Don: Absolutely no circumstance so entirely free from all manner of doubt of any kind whatever. I stole the prince.
Cas: I'm married to one of two gondoliers?
Don: Yep.
Cas, Duch, Luiz, Duke, Don: Pudding full of plums.
Chorus: Bridegroom and bride.
Tessa: When a merry maiden marries.
Don: Good morning. Birthday?
Gianetta: Mine.
Tessa: Mine.
Marco: Mine.
Giu: Mine.
Don: One of you is the son of the king. You'll abdicate.
Giuseppe: Open to conviction
Don: Reign jointly. Ladies not admitted.
Gianetta: Ah me.
Don: I'll bring his foster mother.
Gian & Tessa: Glorious to be queen.
Marco & Gius: We sing as one. Some post we find. All equal.
Chorus: Hail O king
Marco & Gius: Let's away
Chorus: Away, away, away, away.

=== ACT II ===

Marco: We are obliged.
Men: All right, already.
Marco and Guiseppe: We want our tea!
Giuseppe: Shalloo humps! Shalloo hoops!
Marco: But what about our dear wives, whose little behinds we left three months ago? Sparkling eyes.
Women: We've crossed the main.
Fiametta: Obedience. Curiosity.
All: They'll go on requesting.
Women: Done, done, done.
Giuseppe: Dance? Party?
Tessa: Too much happiness.
All: Cachucha! Viva!
Don: Fancy ball? Intellectual pressure.
Giuseppe: Plate of macaroni? Rusk?
Don: Gout. Leapfrog. Tuck in his tuppenny. When everybody's somebody, nobody's anybody. Duke, Duches, and Casilda have arrived. When a baby, you were married. Parenthetical phrases. Whatever they are.
Tessa: We are their wives.
Gianetta: One is married?
Don: Yep. Old lady in the torture chamber. Propriety.
Tessa: Mount Vesuvius!
Marco, Giu, Gian, Tessa: Contemplative fashion.
Men: Ducal pomp!
Duke: Tiddle toddle. Begs.
Casilda: Desires.
Duchess: Demands. I tamed your progenitor.
Casilda: Shady!
Duke: Unhappy commoners. Allow his attention to wander. Combination of excellences. May she make you happier. Guard of honor?
M & G: No.
Duke: Illuminated?
M & G: No.
Duke: Refreshment?
M & G: No.
Duke: Salute?
M & G: No.
Duke: Arches?
M & G: No.
Duke: Bells?
M & G: No.
Duke: Yes! Not enough. Dignity. Soupcon.
Duke, Duchess, Casilda, M & G: Oncely, twicely.
Don: Loyal leeches.
All: Speak, woman, speak.
Inez: My boy I substituted.
All: Gasp!
Inez: Luiz! Behold!
All: Wondrous revelation!
Marco, Giu., Gua., Tessa: Sore! Delighted!
Luiz: I waited.
All: Hail O King! Cachucha!

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